Passion for life

My mummy has suspected carcinoma of lungs. She was under active treatment of one of the renowned cancer specialist of city . I used to care her besides my routine domestic work as well as office. Everything was in order. A specific schedule was being followed by me.
My day starts by brushing to her, bath then pooja to thakurji and her medicine with slight meals prescribed by the treating consultant. Then I had to some meditation and yoga for me to keep myself fit and to enable me to face the coming situation, which appears nearby and then prepared myself for office. In absence of mine my younger brother and sis were to look after her one by one after coming from their school.
It were the situation that none of the people of society expected to face. I have also no way but to face it. It was the day nearby ‘ HOLY ’., everyone was preparing to celebrate the festival. But I was not feeling like doing anything. Since there was a holiday in the office, I used to spend the whole day with my mother. Somehow I got clothes made for my brothers and sisters. Mother said, “ Pappoo, you should also get clothes made for yourself “. I don’t know why I could see that my mother’s end was nearing day by day. My mother had sensed my apprehension. One morning she said-
“ Pappoo, your Holi will not be spoilt, don’t worry. You know Pappoo, I want to live more and wish to see you marriage“.
I started crying loudly hiding my face and started caressing my mother’s back and giving her false hope about life “ Mumma, the doctor said that your disease is not as serious as you think, you will get well soon. Then we will all celebrate Holi together “.
Mother looked at me laughing as if she knew the truth. I felt that mother was saying something like what my son was telling me. For the first time after a long time, I saw mother laughing so openly. I felt that my false assurance was not going to come true. I was filled with an unknown happiness.
The week before her passing, she asked me to take care of his younger’s ,she asked me to keep her ID in a safe place, as I am going to need it for dead certificate and stuff. She said to: “please be strong Pappoo (he called me Papoo) and finally on Sunday morning she told me how she appreciated everything and said, thank you pappoo for everything, put her head on my lap and closed his eyes forever. I become speechless. How do I explain that situation? it was beyond my capacity.
The time passes the younger brother and sister are now busy in his family. I decided not to make my family, as my mother is now no more to see it. I am still alone after superannuated from 35 years of dedicated services and keep busy myself in some social work. But whenever Whenever I was alone and in peace, my mother’s words about her passion for life would echo in my ears, Pappoo, I want to live. I could not do anything even though I wanted to. I saw my mother slip away like sand. Sometimes I wonder what I could achieve by living. ………..nothing.- Nirmesh